Stretch Marks

Since having my infant, I go back and forth on my body. I didn’t gain too much weight, and I’m back down to pretty much what I was before. But, what is weird is that my body is absolutely NOTHING like it was before.

I’m the same size shirt and yet my shirts don’t fit. I’m the same size pants and yet they sit differently. My stomach is stretched out, the skin hangs loose and puffs out when I zip my jeans over it. It’s true, I have fucking mom bod. Even the stretch marks.

I remember when I first started getting stretch marks. I was nine or ten and hitting puberty. They started to pop up on my hips… These purple-ish marks. They wouldn’t go away. I wasn’t sure why I had them and they ruined the body that I was already so self-conscious of.

What I didn’t know was that almost everyone got them. I didn’t know that they were normal. What I DID know was that there was yet another thing that my ugly, little body had developed to make me sad.

So, when I started getting them during my pregnancy, I felt my heart sink. Mom had them, she had a lot. I knew that I’d get them. But when it appeared on the right side of my belly button, where my baby liked to lay, it made me cry.

Everyone said, “just put [cocoa butter, bio oil, vitamin E…]” Now, those all help fade marks, but they do not prevent them. THEY DO NOT FUCKING PREVENT THEM. When I read that, it was a huge relief. It wasn’t that I was doing it wrong, it wasn’t that I had fallen short. It wasn’t another thing to add to the laundry list of things that make women feel like they’ve failed. No, it was goddamn genetics. Now, that means I’m still screwed, I’m still getting the marks. But, it also means that the constant comments, “well, you should have…” could go fuck themselves.

I still have the marks, and I will have them. My partner and I have talked about eventually having them lazered away, because it still makes me sad sometimes. But for now, I have my marks. My tummy makes me think of my mom’s. My clothes don’t fit but I’m starting to get new ones… My kid gets a soft spot to sit.

So hell, rock on, mom bod.